I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
