Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
