My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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