He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
