sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My life is pants optional.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
