Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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