Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
