stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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