Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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