drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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