I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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