You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
"it" just moved
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
