ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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