i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
