Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
