a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
