did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
