i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
this boner is exhausting
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
