i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
