i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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