Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
