he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
