She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
True strength comes from lack of pants
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
