Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
