ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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