I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
