Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
