my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
