doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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