Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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