I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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