right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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