I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
