Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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