You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
