Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Randomize
