She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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