i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
