We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
