Barsexuality is the new black.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
