tell your sister to shave her snatch
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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