is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
