It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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