So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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