i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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