as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Terrible idea I love it
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
