Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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