Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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