How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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