I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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