Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
