Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
