just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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