I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
